Just What I Needed

just-what-i-needed-cassette-tape-spelling

Lately…  I’ve been very focused on getting myself comfortable again.  It’s been a blast taking off work and such, having parties, going to events, life’s been real REAL good.

 

But I do need to work on some things…

 

With the new outlook… new “approach” on life and it’s infinite unknowns.  I have learned… that life is for LIVING, so don’t work yourself to death…  in the end, no one will be there to get you caught up on everything you’ve been missing.

 

It’s up to you to do what’s best for YOU.

 

It sounds simple, but its hard to say no to someone you’ve made friends with at work when they are practically begging for you to come in when needed…  it’s hard to pass up the chance to make a few extra bucks so you can pay off that overdue phone bill… 

 

I’ve learned that you have to keep it together… keep the job, and make a living… but DO something with it.  ENJOY all life has to offer, there are SO many things that you could occupy your time with and enrich yourself in… and enrich other lives as well.

 

It is my opinion that if you are BORED, it’s your OWN FAULT.

 

I don’t EVER get bored.

 

I’ve always got 2315379 things I could be doing…

 

I’ve learned to not beat myself up over not getting it all done in one day,

 

I use to get down on myself for that…

 

I used to.

 

What seems to happen when I hit a low spot… is akin to “Devine Intervention” when I really look at the events that have taken place at face value.  Things like “break-ups”, and “major set-backs” would often motivate me to overcome the adversity.  I focused on overcoming the challenge nearly instantaneously in my own skull at the moment that I discovered what it was I had to accomplish to meet my high-set goals… and I just did it. 

 

Ultimately, everything worked out beautifully in the endings…

 

Because there was always a new beginning.

 

 

Things just seem to fall into place… perfectly.

 

As long as you’re willing to acknowledge it and follow the path of least resistance, you find your way…

 

It’s so simple… so obvious…

 

What the HELL have I been DOING all this time??

 

When I lose my way… there seems to be something telling me how to get back on the horse and ride again…

 

It’s like… you get exactly what you need at that exact moment, in the current “phase” of your life.

 

 

It happened to me a few weeks ago.

 

 

 

I had drank myself stupid, hanging out at a friend of mine’s house, drinking beers, and using my “bartender training wheels” mixing some wicked concoction of Sex on the Beach, and Mikes Hard Lemonade Frozen blend…

 

I called it “Mikes Hard Sex on The Beach”.

 

Just after we killed that, we went over next door to THEIR house party where I vaguely remember doing shots of some kind…

 

Anyway…

 

I woke up sitting up, leaning my face on my fist at 7:30 the next morning.  That means I slept like that for about 3 or 4 hours.  I was supposed to go in to train for bartender that night…

 

I didn’t call,

 

I didn’t show.

 

I wanted to… but I didn’t want to bad enough, haha…

 

I was not in good shape…  I don’t know exactly what it was that did me in, because I’ve drank myself sober more than once, and it’s never had such a drastic after-effects on me before… 

 

I wasn’t too worried about losing my part time bartender gig…  I’ve already learned how to work the management…  if they would have asked me where I was, I would have told them the honest truth.

 

They never asked.

 

I came in the next evening, all dressed and ready to work.

 

I walked through the doorway by the computers and found my manager.  He told me he would clock me in, within the first 5 seconds of being in his eyesight.

 

Apparently, there is a real strict policy on no call no show for a training shift…

 

 

Not.

 

 

I was pissing from my ass for 2 days… and I almost had myself talked out of EVER going back there again.  “I could make more money bartending SOMEWHERE ELSE, now that I can put on my resume that I worked as a Bartender before, it shouldn’t be hard to fit in some place more lucrative…”  I thought…

 

But then again…

 

I’ve still got my training wheels… and it’s not a half bad gig for a beginner.  In fact… it’s downright perfect.

 

 

So I sucked it up,

 

Got dressed.

 

And went in.

 

 

When I got there, I was showing off my flash cards to the management, and the other bartenders…  not really intentionally, but naturally.

 

You know.

 

One of the bartenders waiting for his drawer was sitting with a scowl on his face on a barstool…

 

“I don’t train.” He says to the manager.

 

Apparently we were going to be working together that evening, and he was to be training me.

 

I made an attempt to break the ice, but he was being a bit “stuck-up” for a bartender…  I’m not sure what his issue is, but he had a way of pissing people off all night long.  Servers would be trying to jump back behind the bar and make their own drinks for their tables, when stuck-up bartender dude all but kicks them in the forehead when they walk past “the line”.

 

Although… he WAS in the right, servers are NOT supposed to be making drinks…  but it was more or less the way he went about it I suppose…

 

Anyway, I ate about 15 Rolaids through out the shift that night, doing everything I could to settle my stomach and make it through the evening…

 

I was at work… feeling like ass… we were slightly slow, so it gave me enough time to start bumming out on things.  Like girls.  How I hadn’t been laid in a month…  how I didn’t even WANT to get laid in the last month. 

 

Let’s just say, the flame has grown dim, lately.

 

I typically think more into detail about it… about how I miss brushing the hair from a girls forehead… and locking eyes…

 

-sigh-

 

The soft gentle touch of a girl that knows how to satisfy a man…

 

The taste of her neck when I finally get her alone for the first time…

 

-SIGH-

 

Damn…

 

I’m thinking about what I want…. 

 

Not today.

 

But someday.

 

 

It was about 8 or 9pm, when 3 women came and sat at our bar… and began making a real mess of the hum-drum atmosphere of the “Keys Club”.  I started having FUN, so much in fact I felt like I should be paying THEM to be there, haha.

 

The oldest was 51, but GORGEOUS!  I couldn’t believe it when she told me how old she was…  she was such a force… such a personality!  She went so far as to “read me”.  Apparently, she has a talent for knowing what people are like in multiple facets of their lives just by studying them for a few moments.

 

She nailed me pretty good…

 

It was… odd.

 

She knew that I liked to kiss…

 

That I LOVED it actually… verbatim.

 

She knew that I was observant, but not pushy.

 

 

 

She told me that I was picky…

 

 

 

then she went as far to say,

 

 

 

“I know you like the blondes, but I see you being happy with a dark skinned girl.  Don’t worry.  You’ll find her.”

 

 

 

Wow… 

 

The other 2 friends of hers where coo-ing me most of the night over “the grin”, all 3 of them telling me how “cute” it was.  After a few Cosmo’s, and Diiiiiiiiirty Martini’s… it escalated to a “Sexy” grin.

 

-shrugs-

 

Long story short…

 

The asshole bartender and I ended up hanging out with these 3 lovely ladies after we got out of work, but the elder of the 3 had to leave and deal with her boyfriend drama.  I found the guy to be pretty cool, and for whatever reason…

 

He actually liked me.

 

So we went hanging out with these 2 hot single mid 30’s women, bar hopping until last call.  I was already figuring out that I’m going to be nursing the drinks for the evening… my tummy was NOT happy…  I was even trying to be NICE by ordering Malibu and Pineapple Juice instead of “the usual”.

 

We ended up hanging out, each pair kind of in their own little conversation bubble.

 

Angie and I talked about lots of interesting things…  goals, ambitions, ex-husbands…  ex-girlfriends… kids…  golf… Florida vs Michigan… and dancing.

 

She got my 10 right toes on 2 left legs on the dance floor… and tried to teach me some of her dance moves she knows…

 

I need some help with that still…

 

But it was still fun, and we were both smiling the whole time…

 

Apparently, my bartender buddy was really trying to drive home the “Let’s Fuck” idea to his “date”, but yet he was very subtle about it. 

 

As I was taking the ladies home, and dropping them off, Angie and I exchanged phone numbers, and we had a kind of awkward goodbye…  I think we both liked each other, but knew that we wouldn’t stand a chance in hell of making it work…  we were just in two different places in life, but I still enjoyed the moment with her.

 

There was an awkward peck on the lips…  I considered trying to make it more…

 

But I really didn’t want more.

 

That was enough…

 

In fact

 

It was JUST what I needed.

 

My bartender friend continued to try to convince this girl to spend the night with him…

 

Eventually, after outside intervention, they were broken apart, more than likely to never see each other again.

 

He was a bit disappointed, but not completely…

 

You know how it is.

 

To be a player, you gotta play the game.

 

 

I dropped him off at his apartment, and as I was making the U-turn towards my house…

 

I felt it…

 

I knew that these 2 drinks I had tonight…

 

They’re coming back.

 

 

Ironically, I held off until I hit the ABC Liquor Store parking lot, and just “got rid” of what was not going to stay down… then drove home, feeling…

 

Better.

 

There are 3 things that I used to say I hate:

 

#1 = Puking, I hate puking.  I hate the way it makes me lose control of my body, I hate the vulnerability of it, I hate the look of it, I hate the SMELL of it, I hate the way it sticks to your teeth…  first and foremost, I hate PUKING.

 

#2 = Dating, I don’t like the pre-tense of the “dating game”.  I don’t like the initial awkward moments, I don’t like the expectations and the uncertainty, the bullshit, the mind games, the “mis-representations”…  Dating sucks.

 

#3 = Bitching, I hate to “go back and complain” if the drive thru fucks up my order, I hate having to “speak to a manager” when I am talking to customer service, I hate complaining about someone stiffing me on my tip, I hate getting pissed off in traffic and cursing out loud and laying on my horn and such…

Bitching is no fun for anyone.

 

I realize that I had overcome all three of these in one night…

 

I did mention the “gator bites” appetizer I order to snack on behind the bar must not have been sitting well with me, but I only used that as an excuse to run out to my car and grab a few handfuls of Rolaids… bleh.  While I felt like dog shit, and the “pissy” attitude the training bartender had was more than enough to bitch about…

 

I decided that I’d just do my thing, and earn his respect… rather than go and complain to the management who also thought he was a whiny bitch… I sucked it up, and I overcame his ego, and mine.

 

I overcame the anxiety of an impromptu date.

 

I typically like to kind of get my game face on, you know, try to get it together first.  Take a shower, shave, get the hair right, pick some decent clothes out…

 

Instead, I’m pulling my “back up” shirt out of the back of the car in place of my work uniform and spraying down with the mini-can of Axe I keep in the floorboard of the back seat.

 

You know… just “in case”.

 

-grin-

 

I was actually looking forward to hanging out, I looked at it as an opportunity to learn something about someone else, and also about myself.

 

I most certainly did.

I learned a lot about what not to do, haha.

Don’t talk about sports that her ex-husband used to be “semi-pro” at, and don’t talk about money when you don’t have any.

Yea…

 

Anyway.

 

I overcame the pretentious bullshit and was just being ME, and She was being herself as well.

 

We were being REAL with each other… I can’t figure out why that’s so hard to do at first…  I get it all the time…  “I’ve never felt this way before so quickly.”  And “That was the BEST I’ve EVER HAD!”

 

-sigh-

 

I mean if it’s TRUE, then YEAH!  I mean…

 

It’s very flattering.

 

But it’s also intangible.

 

You can’t always remain “The Best”, no matter what.  You’ve got to work on it, and stay that way, because you better be damn sure the NEXT guy she meets is going to be “The Best”, too.

 

Think about it.

 

I’ve always had a saying:

 

“What women giveth, Women taketh away!”

 

It’s SO very true… if you let a woman puff your ego and make you feel superior to all other men in her life, past, present… You’ll walk around like your dick is tucking into your crew socks. But are you better than the FUTURE men?… well… that depends on how things go, Doesn’t it?…  How important IS it to stay “The Best” in her eyes?

 

Every time I bust out with a set of sit-up’s, or some high-weight reps… maybe 20 minutes on the treadmill or something…  and I finish up, panting, gasping, dripping sweat… 

 

and grab that ICE COLD bottle of water… 

 

put it up to my lips,

 

and take a drink…

 

I think to myself…

 

“Damn…

 

that’s the BEST water I’ve EVER HAD.”

 

Think about it.

 

I’ve since realized that you have to stay grounded as a man.  Ego’s are not the answer… there is a VAST difference between being cocky, and being confident… not to say you can’t have both, but the idea is that you don’t have to brag about how you are “all that” when you’re confident. 

 

You just know it.

 

-grin-

 

So keeping my ego in check is something that I’ve worked on considerably, as in the last few years, It’s really became a negative force in my life that I’ve overcome.

 

As for the puking…

 

well..

 

I’m glad it made it into the parking lot of a liquor store, and not in the floorboards of my car.  And afterwards, I didn’t drink anything until the Hookah Bar party, almost a week later… and nothing since then.  I managed to persevere through a 3rd and final day of the longest hangover I’ve ever had in my life, hitting the gym, and working the pizza gig with no more puking incidents, my pooh even got hard again!

 

All these things that I “hated” the most…  they turned out to give me a great day…  they gave me something to build off of, something to grow from.

 

I want these things the LEAST in my life… yet…

 

Sometimes…

 

They turn out to be

 

Just What I Needed.

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