When I see a pattern develop that I can relate to my everyday adventures, I often begin to appreciate “Life” on a higher level, for all it has to offer.
and the Indifferent.
As of right now, I’m looking forward to 2006.. and I’m not certain how I will adapt to my new situation; whether it will be satisfying and fulfilling, or disappointing and tragic.
I’m no longer able to pay the mortgage payment on the house that Mom left to me.. despite fighting so hard to keep it current for the last 2 or 3 years now.. an I was never able to afford an attorney to help me with the Civil lawsuit regarding the property, so when I go to court for my trail, I will no doubt lose. I am defenseless against those will money to burn… I also racked up a huge debt with my Credit Line through Home Depot who installed new carpet in the house, and I’m sure I’ll rack up even more charges to it since I’ll be using it to get my family some Christmas gifts…
My student loans are SEVERELY past due, I get phone calls from at least 2 “Debt Collectors” everyday, usually 4 to 8 times a day (each) starting at 8am and all the way till 9pm some days.
My Credit Cards are maxed out, and I still have bills for my Car Repairs and Maintenance, my cell phone, Car Insurance, The Utilities for the Midwest house, and to top all of, a Woman that was supposed to rent the house out backed out without notice and is calling me and my grandparents about 10 times a day trying to get a hold of me to get her deposit money back, which I already spent on the past due utility bill.
To sum it all up:
I’m Financially Fucked.
I think about what I’ve been able to accomplish over the past 2 years of working my ass off as the pizza guy and doing a few other things on the side too…
I’ve managed to pay my bills, buy a new car to replace my piece of shit Mitsubishi, Pay my rent, go on a few bad ass road trips (South Florida Metal Family/Empire is the SHIT!) meet all kinds of interesting people, PAY A MORTGAGE PAYMENT, pay an attorney to evict the asshole tenants I had, clean the house up after being TRASHED, not once, but TWICE. Rent about 10+ cars while I scraped up the $1500 I needed over the course of 3 1/2 months to get the Beetle the Valve Job it needed after my timing belt broke, and meet a wonderful girl… who I adore and admire more than anyone I’ve ever met…
I am hard core.
But…. I’m just not Superman…
or Richie Rich..
It’s hard to let myself accept my failure.. even if it was impossible from the start. Perhaps even more difficult BECAUSE it was so seemly far-fetched and I have beat the odds for as long as I have.
Life has dealt me some real shitty cards…
but I’m a survivor.
So these assholes want to hound me for money 10 times a day? I programmed all the phone numbers they call me from into a Contact on my Cell Phone under the name: “! NO !”
so every time they call, the ringer is set to vibrate and the caller ID says… !NO!
I love being the Pizza Man… but I’m completely burnt out.. I want to do something else. I’m tired of depending on other people and dealing with all the bullshit of a restaurant… I feel like I can do so much more. Sometimes I wonder just what the fuck is wrong with me…
I will burn up what credit line I have left with Home Depot to get the house back together enough to sell. Once the work is done, I’ll find a good Realtor and hope I can unload this Ball and Chain… this curse…. I may not make any money, but I’m not going to go down with $100,000 in debt without a Blaze a Glory.
Instead of spending my money on an attorney to represent me in court, I’ll do my best to represent my character, and even though I know how futile it is for me to try to compete with a high powered attorney, I’ll know that I never gave up. I will show up. I will defend myself as best I can. It may not end like the story of David and Goliath, but at least I’ll take my stand, for better or worse.
I will fight back
I will overcome this mess I’m in
I will survive.