Back in the mid 2000’s when I first signed up for myspace.com, it took me a few months to really get a grasp on everything the site was capable of. It also took me quite a bit of time to get a grasp on its pure and raw potential.
(Next, came facebook.com and we are still making that history… but this blog was originally written in 2007. Amazingly, the rant is actually more relevant now that it was when I first wrote it.)
Social Media is what you make it, that’s the most beautiful part. If you’re an axe wielding psycho maniac pirate hooker with a cross gender identity issue, then you can perpetuate your being upon the masses and perhaps, for your sake, find someone who is looking for a…. “thing” like you. If you are a perfect angel and would love nothing more than to spread the word of God and fill peoples hearts with hope and joy, well… you can do that too.
Lately… I’ve discovered some truly awesome people and have enjoyed the interaction with them through this incredible tool that is MySpace.com that we all know and love. I’ve truly felt like I have both enriched and also BEEN enriched by others that live 100’s and 1000’s of miles away from me.
Yet, I’ve also discovered something else…
Over the past few years, MySpace (and all social media for that matter) has become INSANELY popular in comparison to the sign up date you can find in my Blog’s home page. When I first started “Blogging”, I felt like it was therapeutic for me and the times I was enduring. I would write of my past, present and future without regard for anything but the honesty in my heart in that very moment that I punched out the keys to collectively strand my crazy tales together. I never imagined that I would end up being found on a website by the same people that I would be describing my interactions with in VIVID and GOREY detail.
I never dreamed what kind of fallout my words could have… how misunderstood my feelings and emotions could be construed…
Things like the endings of my longest standing relationship, the crazy adventures I had with my “step-sister”, and the fact that I recently discovered one of my ex’s mother has a MySpace of her own… and she is STILL subscribed to my blogs…
Even though it was all completely inadvertent…
I’m still an asshole.
This is the best apology my imagination could come up with…
I never dreamed that people in my everyday life would ever find me on the internet on some obscure website, let alone care enough about my personal life to read my blogs in such detail…
But it happened.
With that being said, I’ve also come to yet another startling realization… or two.
The fact is, I spend WAY too much of my free time on my computer,
I think about how many other things I should be doing… I think about how it effects my personality, my mood, and my social life.
You know you’re an addict when you are sitting at home on a Friday night, already late to go and hang out with your friends who are waiting for you some place you said you would be at 15 minutes ago and is a 20 minute drive away, JUST so you can finish returning myspace comments, messages or even to finish a blog!
As much as I truly love the interaction with people through Social Media, I find that I have more of a social life behind a computer monitor and keyboard, than I do anywhere else. Don’t get me wrong… I have plenty of “real friends” that I’m incredibly thankful for, and I have plenty of people that I personally know on my MySpace page as well…
But I didn’t get to be their friend by wasting my days away in my dark little room, typing comments and cooing over their nifty new MySpace pics.
I got them, by getting out of the house, and being myself.
I find that by the time I leave the computer, my social stamina is diminished. I have less desire to call people and hang out, I have less desire to “shoot the shit” and describe my recent adventures in life because I just did it through either a blog or repeated messages to those who I feel would be interested in what I’ve been up to.
It makes me wanna stay at home, and just do nothing… except perhaps hit the F5 key OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again on my Myspace home page (remember the ending of “The Social Network“?) until I’m tired enough to go to sleep.
I’m sick of myself…
I love all my friends, both on and off line, so don’t get me wrong… but I’m completely unbalance and disheveled. I have come to realize that the main thing I need in my life is more consistency if I am to achieve the goals and desires that I have for myself.
The kind that allows for me to practice playing guitar for a few hours a week, to work out everyday and eat better, perhaps even learn how to cook a few more dishes…
I know it’s going to take more than just a radical change in my life, I don’t feel that is the answer…
I believe the answer for me… is that I have to make it happen, little by little, one day at a time, and take life as it comes.
I’ve decided to start on making some changes.
I’ve made a lot of promises to myself and personal resolutions for 2007.
This Is My Year. What Better Place Than Here. What Better Time Than Now.
I’ve already accomplished some of what I want for myself, and it feels SO good. The simple Joy of having Pride in one’s self is something I never thought would be so forsaken until I went so long without the feeling…
I have every intention of keeping this train on it’s tracks.
I’m making a personal statement, to myself.
I quit smoking on New Years Eve of 2002 atop Hole 12 of the major “Midwest” college campus near my birthplace around 6pm.
I haven’t smoked a cigarette since.
It’s something I can hang my hat on…
Just like this.
The Social Media Challenge.
For the entire month of February, I’ve decided to lay down my Social Media usage.
Thats right, one entire month.
While I plan to return, and utilize this amazing tool…
Where I’m at in my life today, I feel it’s best for me to focus elsewhere.
To get out to the disc golf course more and develop a decent putt, perhaps even start competing again.
To Draw a picture again with the tools I still have from the Semester of Art School a few years ago…
To fix up my 20 inch and ride my Diamond Back around town.
To get into the BEST shape of my life (Target goal = 170lbs.)
Learn how to paint… learn how to canoe… learn how to surf… learn how to make money in new and exciting ways…
Learn new tricks.
And meet new people.
Friends, I’ve got much love for you.
I’ll be back.
I miss you already.