Some things change constantly… and some never seem to change at all. While I’m a firm believer in anything is possible, I have to remember that it is up to us to make it HAPPEN.
With that being said… there are many things that I used to do that I avoid like the plague these days. I don’t jump into serious relationships; I don’t make major purchases without thinking about it for a day or two first; I don’t work 7 days a week, I don’t try to squeeze into an impossible schedules, like 70 hours a week of work, school, dating, yoga classes, and a weekly night out with friends. I just don’t do the crazy shit I once did, and for that I am thankful that I learned my lessons. Life is good now, life is better than it has ever been…
But…
There are still things that I used to do that still work for me. Things like lose sleep on special occasions to experience grand life adventures… party my ass off with my close ones before an important meeting the next day, or even take crazy far road trips and meet people I’ve never met, just be spontaneous…
While I do realize that these very things that I do may also be the reasons why I haven’t changed my lifestyle to fit a more ideal circumstance for having a woman in my life, and the house with the white picket fence, with my 2 cats and a dog that I play with at the park all day on Sundays while eating my health food and drinking interesting supplement shakes and smoothies…
Perhaps I’m just not ready for that yet.
I’m having WAY to much FUN just doing what I do.
Being Gangster.
-grin-
There are some things that I still feel good about doing over and over again. The habits I have, that bring me joy and unforgettable memories… the parties, the festivals, the wild nights, the self fulfillment… the personal conquests of pulling off things that took miracles to make happen… I love it. It reminds me of how good it feels just to be ALIVE!
Of all the things to remind me that even though I’ve come a long way… there are still these things I do to make life worth living…
It was my girl Trigger… and Cereal Milk.
Years ago, when I first moved to Florida, my Mom took care of Trigger and her sister Calico for me while I was in college. Mom spoiled the 2 cats rotten, so much that every time the refrigerator door opened, the 2 cats would swarm at her ankles and meow until she would hand feed them an entire package of Buddig’s lunch meats, at least one a day. And every time she would pour a bowl of cereal, the cats would linger about until she would finish, place the bowl in front of them on the ground so they could drink the delicious cereal milk from the bowl.
While both Calico and Mom have both passes away since these times… Trigger still swarms at my feet every time the refrigerator door opens, thinking there is a treat for her… I’ve since tried to maintain a better diet for Trigger, because she is both a lil “big-boned” and her teeth aren’t in the best of shape, I still try to give her a little bit of loving and some kind words and vibes as I close the door and walk away with no treats for her…
But the cereal milk…
that’s a little different.
It warms my heart to remember Mom spoiling my beautiful cat with her cereal leftovers she would eat every morning, sometimes as a snack as well. Trigger never forgot that… it’s my belief that she actually looks more for the accolade of getting a treat than the actual consumption. Trigger remembers Mom’s methods of spoiling her by giving her treats, and quite possibly believes that if she doesn’t at least get the offer for the cereal milk, that she has done something wrong or perhaps is less loved than she was before.
I don’t eat cereal NEARLY as often as mom did, nor am I around the house as much to spoil my cats like she did… but the memory Trigger has of Mom was that of a kind, loving, giving person that wanted to make her happy. Nowadays, every time I pour a bowl of cereal, Trigger is ALL OVER ME, trying to sniff the bowl before I even finish, crying to me as if she wants to tell me something very important…
Actually…
She is…
… … … ……
So when I’m finished, I place the bowl in front of Trigger… and she may or may not take a few sips of the milk, but she ALWAYS gives it a good look and a sniff before she walks away to go lay down someplace comfortable…
It’s her habit, she remembers what makes her happy, and she keeps doing it because they way it makes her feel.
So while it may be true that:
“If you continue to do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.”
It’s also true what Nietzsche stated:
“Be careful when casting out demons lest you cast out the best part of yourself.”
One day, Trigger may cut some more weight and eat a little healthier, especially if I can find some better food that she actually likes eating… just like one day, I may quit doing these crazy gangster things like going to Music Festivals, ending up at after-parties for free from tickets given to me by the concession stand owners that I’d just met and sleeping in my car because I don’t want to lose my FREE Rock Star parking place right outside, across the street from the venue.
Perhaps when my idea of “fun” changes…
But I’ve got a lot of living to do…
And a long way to go.
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