once again.
It comes around every year… and it never ceases to amaze me of how well one can remember the details of a single day in the history of time.
I recall it well.
I even snicker at the similarities of today and 5 years ago. The people calling me to work for them, the place where I recall hearing the news first…
wow…
I usually shack up like a hermit on some days… not really because I’m upset, but more like, I’m not real sure what else to do with myself… given that the thoughts are sure to cross my mind… some of them do on a daily basis, what makes today special, is only a date, it’s the impact that has any real value.
Mothers Day is a hard one…
But, I find comfort and solace in seeing people HAPPY on such holidays…
It warms my very cockles to have some in my presence feel so GOOD about being connected to your source. To have such honor for thy mother (and father) that it flows over into everything that you do and all of what you are.
Wow…
It’s hard…
I’m not going to kid myself… it’s one day that I have a hard time with…
But I’m learning new things about myself, by exploring the unknown…
haha
for better or worse.
Why sit around all day or try to fill my head with thoughts and occupy my time with activities so that I can try to just make it through the day?
I’m goin’ balls out here…
It’s not going to change anything by me ignoring it,
so the way I figure…
You might as well have fun with it.
I’ve never done acid quite like this… I’ve had fun, but this time…
wow man…
I’ve been up all night, I had the worlds record for the longest ever case of the giggles, I feel soooooooooooooo diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirty…..
but I like iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
I have had the most incredible time today, just stopping the world for a moment… and marveling at it’s persistence. I haven’t laughed this hard since hanging out with one of my oldest friends from grade school at Bonnaroo, in the tent mom bought me just before she…. left us. Not forgetting what today is, but literally CHANGING what it MEANS to ME.
THAT is the root of my growth. Taking a chance on being myself and not buckling under the pressures that life may cast upon you… I would have never even thought that this was a good idea months ago… hell no, In fact, this is not average behavior….
even for my crazy ass.
But I have had a great day reflecting on my personal self, and taking a break from the “relative world” of time tables, deadlines, expectations, obligations and considerations, and looking more inward to the “absolute self” and remembering what it is that you are truly trying to accomplish and achieve.
It’s not about being better than anyone at anything, but about me doing the best I can…
My way.
For the past few years, I’ve really been quiet about what July 3rd means to me… I used to think of it, and recall all the tragedy that I have looming in my memory banks from all that has happened over the last 5 years… and I just think….
Damn… I wish this wasn’t something to DRAG ME DOWN.
It is what it is, man.
I know for a FACT that mom would have thought I that I am just the coolest for turning something so crappy and negative into the TIME of my LIFE!.
Man, I have done nothing but laugh and smile and cut loose and be myself for the past 48 consecutive hours with no sleep yet, trippin’ BAAAAAAAAAAALLS and I’ll be honest with you…
I’d do it all over again, and intend to if ever given the chance.
I guess what the biggest differences that I can see in myself is that I’m self aware enough to know that I’m never going to be perfect, and that my screwy crazy thoughts about life, love and the universe are just as valid as any one else willing to regurgitate the innermost details of ones cosmic cognitive processes.
I see myself as flawed, and am therefore accepting that I am with much room for improvement, rather than feel left “far behind“.
I don’t have it figured out…
but I’m having fun trying.
Oh man…. I’ve seen so many weird things happening in front of my eyes… haha. It shows me that life is just about what my senses are perceiving around me in this moment… my emotions and how I feel about my environment.
I’ve learned that its important to have control over those who enter into your world. Don’t allow bad influences and thoughts to hold you back… just because the bathtub is melting into a psychedelic kaleidoscope of contrasting colors doesn’t mean its actually happening.
My mind is capable of perceiving that which is false, and the only truth to the universe is consistency. I can accept that I may not have the right answers and cease to feel as though I’m cursed to the futility of endless attempts to discover the exact methods in which to experience my potential.
So some people might wonder why a guy who’s never dropped acid on a weekday in his life would pick today/last night/this morning/tonight/what/ever/the/wuck/it/is to do it…
There really is no clear-cut and defined well thought out answer, it was a complete impulse decision aided by my good buddy who resembles a curled up “turd” in the middle of my Uncle‘s TV room floor…
I’m riding that train with you bro…
I acted on a whim,
and couldn’t more thrilled about the outcome of today,
haha.
I might have had a rough past with July 3rd over the last 5 years….
…
Not This Time.
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