So I sit alone and my alter-ego seeks freedom.   It always seeks…   I find myself opening this file and typing what I am afraid will be something people just can’t handle.   It makes me want to do it even more.   I have these thoughts…   The crazy ideas, and methodology of thinking that I can’t bear to bring into spoken words, but they fleet through my skull on a regular basis.

I lose my way…

My mind strays from my desired path, I become terrified of what to expect to come to my mind.   It’s far more of a common occurrence… It’s some ones dark side.

Mine.

All of it.

No holes barred, no censorship, no sympathy, no remorse, no regard, only motivated by dark forces that we are all exposed to in life.  This is the part where I put a disclaimer

Fuck it.

I won’t be giving any apologies, because it’s not real.

When circumstance begins to rule your life, you will realize that it’s much of your own fault.  The actions you have, take on a consequence.  Just as the Eloquent Maharishi Mahesh Yogi wrote, “You invite a man into your home and he may become an enemy.”  What I believe to be a vague reference to “Envy”.  It would seem that people have a way of rubbing others noses in their feats they have accomplished in their lifetime.

I think people are naturally competitive with one another, and when someone struts about their accomplishments, the same type of goals that others have set for themselves, yet have not made identical progress… feelings are invoked…

You get the idea.

Rubbing a dogs nose in dog shit doesn’t work to train him not to shit there.  It’s more than that.  The dog may just simply be ignorant

Or a pain in the fucking ass.

Life is comprised of a series of circumstances that can be complimentary to the environment.  While we have control of certain aspects of life, we don’t have control of every circumstance.  When you have your life intertwined with someone else’s, and they have major drama, or a critical situation,

So do you.

Circumstance.

Circumstances are the kinds of things that cost you time, and money… but worst of all,

Piece of mind & Peace of mind.

I’ve had my fair share in the past 5 years…  and I haven’t had a fucking clue with what was the right way… the best way… to handle myself in every given situation.

Based on the collective opinion of people who have met me, I’m a drunken lunatic manic depressive that drives ENTIRELY too fast.  I’ve come to the conclusion…

That I’m not perfect.

“I will carry the air of perfection, I will BE perfect, what is perfect to ME.

If I can’t smell my own shit, then it must not be me that’s stinkin’ this place up.

Must be someone else…

I’m tough!  Don’t fuck with me!

I BELIEVE IN WHAT I STAND FOR

I’m infallible

I am perfection

Get a gooooood look.”

I have no regrets for speaking whatever comes to my lips, I have no regard for your meaninglessness, You don’t even get the common curtousy of consideration…

Despite your empty promises

And your cold lies that took months to die without you around…

I still care.

They only died…

Because I MADE them die.

And as you strike me, at the first opportunity to once again re-establish to me how low I am to you now.

Then I think about what it means to be showy and to be flashing around a superiority in happiness…  for those that tend to be innocent in their intent, but nonetheless… ASSHOLES for being so flashy and envied for being so incredibly blessed in this world…

When I realize… that I don’t have to like the fact that some of the best people in the world will have that effect on people…

particularly…

me.

Despite that trivial flaw in someone…

I got nothing but LOVE for ya.

My circumstances just got a whole lot better.

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