Mad Dog 20 / 20

Mad Dog 20/20 - How to Handle Depression from Heartbreak
Mad Dog 20/20 - How to Handle Depression from Heartbreak

Back in the day… I fell in love with a cute little Mustang Driving blonde girl…

It all happened during my NA and AA era of my life when I lost my license… I was 17, and just got transferred / re-hired at the Taco Bell of “Hamiltucky”. I had no car, I just started going to “the bad kid school” also known as the “Alternative School” and had lost touch with most of my friends since I no longer had transportation and that goofy chick that I let have my pager for a few weeks scared everyone off from calling me. I was definitely in a low point of my life when I first met her… and after we hit it off, I thought the tides were changing…

Or so I thought.

She was so sweet and innocent on the outside, with a mean streak in her that intrigued me to no end. She would always get so hyper and excited… I loved her energy, I loved the way she was hardcore; she busted her ass just as hard as I did at work… and that’s something that’s hard to find at a Taco Bell… hell, in my hometown at ALL. She was the only other minor (she was 16) that would break the law and close up shop at 3am with me… sometimes we would close together… and well… it was only a matter of time that we had something for everyone else to talk about.

She was into guys with long hair, and I was into blondes with big boobies…

I really thought I was happy in the first month… but she lied to me, and totally disregarded that I had any emotion at all…

One night my little blonde friend was watching my managers kids all night at my managers house while she was closing the store with me as her closer… When my manager brought me back to her house, my girl jumps up with her friend and takes off without saying a word to me…
That’s when she totally turned bitch on me for the first time…

She gave me a glimpse of what to expect from her in a relationship… she ended up driving off like a bitch and leaving me with that silent… sick… twisted grin on my face that I used to get when I knew… There was nothing I could do. I wasn’t always the optimist that I am today, and at 17, I had not developed half the coping skills that are required to lead the life I’ve led… I walked about 4 miles uphill to Michael’s pool hall in “Farmfield” from my manager’s apartment. I hung out and played some pool with myself… then walked 4 more miles to the old Forest Fair Mall where I ultimately fell asleep during the first 3 matinée showings of Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. I had worked all night, and walked at least 8 miles in my old Chuck Taylors… It was everything I could do to stay away until I could crash out in the movie theatre… I didn’t want to go home; I would have just ended up smoking a pack of cigarettes and playing depressing music to loud….

I’ll never forget the bonding moment that followed after that with Mom… She was starting on painting my room this “Midnight Blue” color that actually tuned out to be more like Deep Purple. I had the paint for a few says, but she was always the type to “get-er-done”… Mom lacked patience, but sometimes it was for the best… I was so ate up over this girl.. Mom just BEING there through my hard ass, tough as nails exterior made for a special memory…

We painted everything that day, even the ceiling… my black lights and black curtains really set it off.

My new room kicked ass.

I got a phone call from my big breasted blonde bitch the next day… she had been in a bad car accident and she was crying to me about it…

I totally caved in and felt sorry for her… she had a way of doing that to me. God I was so fucking naïve…

Time passed… we became extremely close, perhaps too close. She and I worked together at Tumbleweed’s Bar and Grill after we both quit Taco Bell at the same time. But I hated that fucking place… I turned to my first ever driving job – emissions testing for a sub-contractor for the State.

We were living together when I had gotten this crazy idea…

“This girl is being such a bitch to me… I really don’t know what I would do without her in my life though… maybe I need to get away…”

“My boy Ben told me about my ex graduating high school… Maybe I should spend some time in Colorado. He’s crazy enough to go with me…”

Yep.

That’s the short version.

Ben fucked up and ruined my mysterious exit by telling my girl when I really didn’t want to tell her until the last-minute… in the back of my mind I was thinking that I may stay out there and leave her dumb, selfish, self-centered ass right there in the Midwest.

I always wanted to get out of that fucking town.

-Grin-

Strangely enough, I left that bitch after I found her panties on the floorboard of her car and she didn’t come home until almost 6am one weeknight. I had a candle burning, and I had bought her a flower in a lil vase and everything anticipating her coming home at her usual time of around 1 or 2am. I smashed that fucker into her back porch and slept in my car in some random parking lot…

I wasn’t going to go back to living at mom’s house… she kicked me out and caused me to get a Felony charge against me for some shit that didn’t really even happen. Every city court in the United State was riding on the whole OJ Simpson case; it truly re-defined what the Domestic Violence charge entailed… I was living with my girl of over a year with her mom and sister… huh… I’ll have to tell you where her dad was in the whole picture some other time…

All this chaos… not only was surrounding me in everyday life… but in my own head. I was a high school drop out with a felony charge on the 3rd day I was 18 years old. I had a shady ass bitch for a girlfriend who I was practically dependant upon to live…

Sure I could have sucked up my pride and kissed moms ass and put up with her shit and moved back in… I’ll just say I had some resentment about the whole thing that went down involving the police. And I could have always stayed with my grandma for a little while, and dad would have probably made me a place at his place… but I liked having my independence, and with either dad or grandma, I would have had to undergo a serious personality change to fit in with either household. I wasn’t ready for that.

I ended up having a heart to heart with my girl… I broke down outside of Tumbleweed’s for about the 100th time over this girl… when we made up our minds that we were going to get the fuck out of this town…

Together

The day before my court date for my domestic violence charge, after anger management classes and all, we bolted to good ole I-70… a practically straight shot right to where we wanted to be in Colorado. Just me, her, and her lil 1 week old Dalmatian-beagle puppy that she rescued from certain death, which needed to be bottle fed. Pokey. In a 1993 Mustang LX 4 banger with no spare tire…

Funny…

We heard Fastball’s debut song – for the first time ever on this road trip. It became our theme song. I like theme songs…

After we arrived over 3000 miles later, the adventure continued… with a few new twists. We had made arrangements to stay with my ex… This was extremely odd for me considering it was only a little over a year ago that we were madly in love with each other… and I think she was still in love with me. When my Colorado ex’s mom found out about me being there, she called my mom and told her everything she knew… mom ended up telling me how since I had completed the anger management courses and everything, the judge dropped the charges.

-whew-

She then told me that if I came back and finished school, that I could live at her house as long as I wanted… about half way through Kansas I realized how big of a fucking loser I was, and how my life is totally fucked right now. Mom said exactly what I needed to hear…

I decided that we would both come back… but not just yet. We just drove 3000 fuckin’ miles… we were going to camp out in the mountains! hahaha…

I gotta admit, of all the little adventures that happened in those 2 weeks or so we were there, the best one was camping out in the mountains. It was totally free, and the danger of the mountain lions lurking around kinda made the sex a little more exciting.

That poor tent…

There are many adventures that took place at this time of my life that are more than blog worthy… but let me get back to the subject at hand.

We took off headed back to The Midwest after my $400 or so and her $2500 was almost gone to start our new life together in my moms place in the Midwest…

I went back to school, graduated a year late, (with my girl actually ha-ha), and started college at ITT Tech. that about sums up an entire year in one sentence… it was much more complex than that… my girl and my mom had a hard time living with each other, and the whole situation living at mom’s was about as JERRY FUCKING SPRINGER as it gets… so when mom and ahem… “Her new husband” offered to get her a place of her own somewhere if she helped out with the bills; she took them up on the offer.

That’s where the end begins…

My first day of College I came over to her apartment and found my best friend Ben and 3 or 4 other people passed out drunk. I had tried to call her all night but she didn’t answer. I stopped by unannounced to find that tragic scene…

I was pissed.

I stood her up after she was bitching at me and trying to roll away… she tried to brush me off her and she fell into the wall. She goes “don’t push me!”

My jaw dropped.

I couldn’t fucking believe it.

She was trying to say I pushed her into the wall… later her grandpa threatened my life should anything ever happen like that again.

“You’ll be a dead son of a bitch.”

I can’t fucking believe all that bullshit that I’ve had happen to me with getting blamed for some violence bullshit like that… and she would do something like that to me.

That’s when I made it final…

No more… we are done.

I went into a college mode after that. I had just started and I had nothing but school now to focus on. My hippie redneck ass was on the dean’s list… I had straight A’s my first semester. 4.0 Biotch. – A far cry from the 5 years of high school, only to graduate with a 0.8 GPA. Haha… how ya like me now?

Time went on… and I was driving myself insane over this chick… I’m my head we broke up because of an argument… not because we were incompatible… I wanted to try to work things out… but she didn’t.

“Thing’s happen for a reason.”

I had started my first Pizza Gig, and I was getting into it… work… school… my life wasn’t half bad. I just couldn’t get my girl of 2 years out of my head… and the whole fucked up family situation did NOT help things… I saw her out at my Frisbee golf events, since I got her into playing and she was actually pretty good. I heard about her from my friends because they had “mysteriously” become her friends too…

That’s how I found out… she had a new boyfriend. My best friend Ben’s band had a drummer that she had her eye on I guess. The night I found out, I drove through the drive thru that she worked at (yes it was in my delivery area… small ass town bullshit) and I actually bought me my first ever bottle…

of Banana Red Mad Dog 20 / 20

from my ex girlfriend that I was depressed over.

My life is FULL of sickening irony…

I spent all night that night wondering the golf course across the street from my moms old condo… drinking my Mad Dog in my work shirt…

crying…

screaming…

stumbling…

crying…

screaming…

stumbling…

“WHY!”

“WHY?!”

WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH?!

I took a long look at the second half of the bottle that I had left after my first 30 minutes of drinking, and I said to myself…

“It’s still half full”

-grin-

I better get started…

that… was the first time I’ve ever puked like that.

No sooner had that foul liquid made contact with my throat had I started to expel the already consumed portion into the fairway of one of the holes on the course…

I was done.

The next morning I went to a Frisbee golf tournament at Banklick Woods in Independence Kentucky, or “disc golf” as I call it and had a great first round. I woke up feeling more refreshed than I had in months, only 3 short hours after my horrible Mad Dog 20 / 20 ass whoopin’.

When the Kentucky heat rolled in around noon, I totally lost all my super Mad Dog powers and shot one of the worst rounds anyone shot all day… the joints I smoked between rounds really didn’t help me out much either given the situation… but I learned a very valuable lesson from the Mad Dog experience.

When you think your life is bad now… Just wait till you drink a bottle of Mad Dog by yourself. When you come too, you realize that it could be SO much worse.

It’s more something personal, but this whole story is the reason why I still believe to this day

Mad Dog 20 / 20 is the best cure depression ever made.

 

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